myfriz.com

So here I am up again at a godforsaken hour...  The magic number seems to be 4...  4am...  The time my eyes just open and refuse to close again...  I dunno if it's Monster Kwan waking me up or the millions of things that race through my head these days...  Trying to design the nursery, what color should I paint it, which crib should I buy, will I be a good mommy, am I going to be able to spend enough time with the little one when working full-time, etc, etc, etc...  The list goes on and on...  I guess this is the beginning of a lifetime of worries of my little one and part of parenthood.  As I lay on the couch last night watching TV I realized there won't be many more nights like that...  No baby/child to tend to, just silence and relaxation...  I anticipate all the changes, but it'll probably be overwhelming and take some adjusting to nonetheless.

As I feel Monster Kwan moving inside of me, I find myself talking to him like a crazy woman...  I guess it's really not crazy, but I never thought I'd be doing that...  He has been active and it reassures me that he is doing ok in there...  Most times I just wonder what type of little boy is in there...  Will he be like daddy or mommy or neither?  Will he have daddy's nose? (let's hope not!)  Which sport will he like best?  Am I going to turn him into a mama's boy? 

I think hubby has been really stressed out lately...  With all the worries about the baby and test results, to my physical well being, to his anxieties about becoming a daddy...  I just tell him no one really knows what they're doing and you just learn as you go along...  Others will have their two cents about everything, but we just have to make decisions that are right for us.  If the way he's taken care of me thus far in this pregnancy is any indication, I think he'll be a great dad.  Given that he didn't grow up with one, I think he'll make that extra effort to do all the things he never could with our son...

***20w2d***