myfriz.com

So 할머니 passed away this morning...  I can't say it wasn't unexpected, but it still doesn't make it any easier...  It's amazing how quickly a human life can whither away...  Only 3 years ago she was healthy, smiling and her usual self...  I sit here looking at the picture on my desk with she, Freddie and I and she looks exactly how I always want to remember her - not the image left from our last meeting...  Even in the fall of 2008 she was still very lucid although her body might have begun to fail her...  Freddie and I visited her in the out-patient facility and she remembered us, we conversed, went for a stroll and had lunch together...  That would be the last time Freddie ever saw her...  I am glad I went back to Seoul this past fall to see her for one last time...  Unfortunately my last image of her will always be in my mind and never be forgotten.  Her frail almost lifeless body in that bed was too much to bare and I only lasted about 5 minutes in the ICU.  I didn't even recognize her and only found her through her name tag...  I had hoped she would hold on for a while longer so she could meet our son, but I guess she was tired and finally decided it was time to go.  Her almost 40 yrs alone was pretty courageous and I don't know how she did it.  Once my grandfather past away, she finished raising all 5 children and worked her ass off to provide for her family... 

As I get older I accept and understand this is a natural progression of life, but one I am not wanting to think about.  Soon it'll be parents passing away and that is something I do not want to think about.  I cannot imagine how my mom is feeling right now since I don't know what I will do the day I lose her...  She is still recovering from all of her cancer treatments last fall and isn't back to her old self quite yet.  In addition my dad is going through some medical issues himself.  I just hope everyone can return to their healthy selves soon!