Falalalala

Many Firsts~

2012-02-23T03:41:00Z

So it has been an eventful week at the Kim/Kwan household... Work has been demanding, yet challenging and interesting. Fred and I still manage to "talk" and keep our marriage healthy. And Keoni has been experiencing many firsts this week! He got his first time out from daddy... I know this is the first of many to come, but I hated it. I pulled myself out of the situation and let daddy handle it, which proceeded to result in a spat between us. My heart broke as I saw Keoni in his little chair facing the wall. I'm not sure even he knew what was going on, but he definitely new daddy was not happy with him and gave me his puppy eyes and little pout. After what seemed like an eternity (but realistically 2-3 minutes or maybe just 30 seconds haha), I told Fred time out was over! I am so not looking forward to this part of parenthood!

Onto more fun firsts! He is now insisting on taking off his own shoes and neatly puts them away (left shoe on the left, right shoe on the right) and can take off his own jacket. This morning he looked at me at said "my shoes!" realizing that he needed to still put on his shoes before going to daycare. The other first came in the form of fruits! For months now Keoni would only eat dried fruits, but never fresh fruit. During our weekend Whole Foods trip, he grabbed an apple. This didn't excite us as we knew he just wanted to hold it. We ended up buying the damn $1.50 organic apple because he would not part with it at the register. But low and behold, he asked me to cut it up when we got home and began eating it! I was so thrilled! I had also bought a box of clementines the day before. This is probably the 4th box I've bought in the past month and he's always wanted to hold it, but never eat it. And boy have I tried! He makes the most disgusted face and spits it out. But then all of a sudden this week, he decided they weren't so bad after all! Daddy had to cut them up into small pieces and then he was delighted to eat them! It's amazing how much he's changed and how quickly he still is changing! He amazes me daily with something new and impresses me with his ability to learn and makes me proud to be his mommy~

Happy Lunar New Year~

2012-01-27T03:08:50Z

So it looks like it's been a month already since I've blogged! The days are a blur and life is moving way too fast... The 2012 year of the dragon has begun and I'm curious to see what this year brings. There were many changes and adjustments last year so I hope this year will be smooth and consistent.

Oni has been growing up like a little bean sprout! His clothes quickly become small and short and he's rambling off words like no tomorrow~ Half the time we're deciphering them, but he's begun to repeat and learn words and sentences we say to him. My fav right now is "mommy read a book!" He looks at me waiting for me to go upstairs so we can read in bed before I put him in his crib to sleep. Once in the crib he looks up at me and shouts "nite!" Yes, it melts my heart. I feel like grabbing him and keeping him up so we can play some more!

I have booked our first family trip back to Asia. It's going to be a trip to remember indeed! I hope Oni adjusts well to the plane ride, the jet lag and the change in environment! We're taking a mini trip with Ed to Taiwan as well, so I'm excited about that too. I have to put together an itinerary so we have some sort of agenda~

My new job is no longer new to me. I feel like I've been there forever and it's only been 3 months! The honeymoon is definitely over, but I am glad that this job allows me to come home at a decent hour so I can play with my Oni, Oni, Oni~ I love when he screams "mommy!" as I walk up the stairs and I love how he gives me a big hug and smile... I cannot imagine life without him! He makes everything seem ok~

This past weekend was Lunar New Year so we had Steve and his fam over. Oni followed Derek around observing his every move and imitating. They are actually interacting and "playing" now... It was great to see~

Christmas 2011~

2011-12-28T04:06:05Z

So Oni celebrated his 2nd Christmas~ He woke up in a great mood and had a great day! We opened one present before the family came over and he was already busy playing with his new toy. I spent most of the morning cooking with MIL and was pretty tired by the time it was time to eat! But then came the best part of the day: opening presents! I helped Oni open up all of his gifts as he continually yelled out "WOOOOW!" It was awesome to see and it made me a little sad to realize how much he's grown in the past year. Last Christmas he wasn't even crawling and was miserable due to his eczema and this year he's running around, jumping, yelling out random words and making our hearts melt...

So, as expected, he received way too many toys for Christmas! Our living room looks like a daycare and all of the gifts haven't even been taken out of the box yet. *sigh* I keep saying we need a bigger place, but that just means we'll accumulate more stuff! We need to pack away some things, but what? It's so hard to choose and actually do. The problem is a few of his toys are such large items it overwhelms the room. I guess we'll figure it out somehow...

With the family over, it was nice to see Oni interact with everyone... He had a blast with the company and was non-stop all day... We ended up going over to Nancy's later in the day and he played even more over there... He fell in love with this castle that Sophia had and would not get out of it!



Here is Oni with his new easel! Fred set it up Christmas Eve and when he came down Christmas morning he walked around and then when he spotted it, all we heard was "WOOOAAAHHHHHH!" It was so cute! A big thank you to Uncle Ed!



Here are a few more memories made~





All in all it was a great day and I received a few gifts myself! Freddie got me an electric toothbrush - yes, totally not romantic at all, but something I did need replaced. He also got me a book/DVD set to learn VBA/Macros... It is something I would like to learn more about since I am quite elementary in its skill set, but it was not a cool gift! My fav gift was the new lens I got for my DSLR. Now I can take more pics of Oni!!!

2011 Holiday Party~

2011-12-20T03:18:00Z

So this was the first holiday party I attended at my new job. It was very interesting indeed. We went down to NYC for one day just for the party. With traffic it took 7 hours to get to the hotel! We mingled for about 2.5 hrs and then headed back to Boston. It was actually a good way to see and talk to my new co-workers outside of the office. The most memorable part of the night was when Bill Clinton showed up to say hi to the staff of his foundation!

Oh Christmas Tree~

2011-12-13T03:37:23Z

So Freddie and I went through our annual discussion about whether or not to get a tree. It's a pretty useless conversation because in the end we get a tree and every year Freddie complains about what a pain in the ass it is to throw it away. This year I put an end to his mumblings by reminding him that I am halfway around the world, away from my family year after year on the holidays... And the least that he could do is get a tree for the house. Plus this year Oni is a little older and might actually enjoy the tree! So on Wednesday he and Pat went to Home Depot in the pouring rain to pick out our tree. Of course they pick the one day that all of the trees are drenched! *sigh* What could I do... Oni was very curious about the tree when it was brought into the house. He peeked over and eventually moseyed on over to inspect this new addition that had invaded his space.

We also went to take Christmas photos. I can't believe that it's been a year already since we last took it! This year was more difficult since Oni was not stationary and squirmed his way out of every pose and just would not smile! I think we took over 100 shots and only got a handful of mediocre shots with maybe one or two good ones. I hope I can get a new lens for my DSLR so that I can take more candid portraits of him at home. I have slipped with my photography due to day to day priorities, but I'd love to get back into. I feel like I need to go to another class to refresh myself! But that is just a wish and not reality. I hate being away from him on the weekends since that is the only time I get to spend alot of time with him. He was sick all weekend so it's been very draining, but even through his whining and tears, I still feel patient and nurturing. No matter how tired, I jump up and out of bed and run to him to soothe him. It's amazing how your body reacts when your mind is in control. Nothing and no one else could make me do the things I want to do for him... I hope my little man feels better soon! Here are some of our pics from the photo shoot!

Can't.Stop.Shopping.

2011-11-27T05:48:39Z

So I don't know what is going on with me lately. I have been on a shopping spree that has become ridiculous! From home goods to baby goods, I just keep going and going... I don't even realize what I'm doing until I get my credit card bills the following month and then get stressed about paying them all off... Yes, my OCD extends to my need to pay off my bills every month. Carrying over balances is just not acceptable or an option with my OCD. I feel as though I need to do a budget for 2012. Perhaps that will give me some control and transparency to myself on a regular basis...

However, this was Thanksgiving week, which means shopping week! Yes, I've digressed again! Black Friday is only one day and this year it seems the retailers were getting a jump start by inundating my inbox with endless advertisements the entire week. And it worked. I bought a new monitor, a tv, computer accessories, clothes and make-up just to name a few... I took Oni to Toys R Us yesterday and he was so happy! He's such a good boy! He wants to touch everything and anything, but in the end, he willingly puts everything back... I bought him some new legos that he absolutely loves. BTW - what is up with legos' ridiculous pricing!? OMG! $25 for one lego truck!? But the golden buy was a $10 Crayola table. It is "his" table and he is in love with it. He will only allow what he wants on the table and will remove anything we place on it. Yes, it seems he has mommy's OCD! He has sat at that table non-stop since we brought it home. He yells "mommy" to show me the new item he's placed on it and looks at me beaming, so proud of his new table.

Why is he just so lovable? If I had known how in love I would be with my own child, I would have considered having one earlier! Who would have known I could have been this type of mom. Melting constantly and always revolving my life around him thinking about his future. I never thought another human being could control me completely. I feel so vulnerable and lucky at the same time. I am also lucky to have such a great man in my life. Freddie is the best father in the world and I couldn't ask for anything more from him. He loves Oni to death and I can physically feel his love towards him as he watches Oni laughing, playing, giggling hysterically or dancing to a commercial on TV. I love my boys~

Elmo!

2011-11-24T03:52:02Z

So Keoni has officially discovered Elmo. He just blurted it out last weekend and hasn't stopped saying it since. Unfortunately Elmo is seemingly encompassing every Sesame Street character whether it really is Elmo, Big Bird, Oscar or whoever else. He has also associated all stickers and sticker books with Elmo now. It's quite fun to watch and amazing as he seems to add a word each day to his vocabulary. Today he perfected "down" as he stepped down each stair. I wonder when he'll learn yes??? He just nods his head, but still hasn't said the actual word. Mind you, he has no problem saying no and has been saying that word for some time now...

It's been 3 weeks since I started my new job and so far so good. I think it's the minor things that have taken time to get used to. The commute for one is definitely not pleasant most nights. I leave early enough in the A.M. to avoid most of the major jams, but the evening is a different story. I have yet to take the same route home in my attempts to take shortcuts depending on where I get stuck. Another is adjusting to sitting in an open area. I didn't realize how comfortable I had gotten to sitting in an office and don't remember when the last time I didn't. I literally went from a nice corner office to a cube. But apparently this is one of the nicer, bigger "cubes" on our floor. It's not bad, but it's just going to take some time to get used to not having a door and having people walking around me while I'm working. I cannot turn on my music freely anymore and have settled for earphones while working, which is working out ok. But all of this is minor. The most important thing is I am liking my job so far. The team seems engaged and committed, which is nice. We'll see how things go as the year end and audit approaches. Lucky me, I get to go through two audits in one year since I just left from doing the audit for my prior employer. I need to get up to speed asap if I'm going to be useful and informed during the audit. The sheer volume of info and work at my new place is ten-fold! It is exciting and overwhelming at the same time, but I am confident I will be fine.

I cannot believe the year is almost over. When I saw that insane lady on the Target Black Friday commercial again this week, I turned to Fred in disbelief that it had already been a year since I'd seen her in last years commercial! Tomorrow is Turkey Day and soon it'll be Christmas! My little man is growing up too quick!!! He just turned 18 months last weekend... He still makes both Fred and I smile everyday and somehow makes us love him even more day by day... I melt when I hear the pitter-patter of his feet running down the hallway accompanied by his screams of "mommy!"

Here's Keoni eating his first (of many) munchkins!

New Beginnings~

2011-11-06T18:18:58Z

So I start my new job tomorrow! I am excited and anxious at the same time... This is much larger organization with more complexities so it'll be new and a challenge at the same time... I am already impressed with their efficiencies with the new hire process alone!

I had one week off in between and it was so nice and peaceful. I stressed myself out by having a long ass to do list, but I got most of it done so I'm satisfied! It's the little things... I finally grabbed the hammer and hung up the frame in Keoni's room and even finally put up the wall clock for him after months of it sitting there collecting dust. I was able to cook dinner every night and had Keoni and Fred eat hot home cooked meals. Keoni loved my chicken adobo and my kalbi jjim~ I wish I could do that every night, but I know that is not realistic, no matter how great of a job I have...

At one point in the week, as I was driving, I truly felt happy. I think I unconsciously even smiled. I felt as though the big boulder that had been sitting on my chest the past year was truly gone. I don't know why I didn't leave my job earlier. It made me realized how stressed out and unhappy I had been. The long hours, the endless piles of paper, the tunnel that never seemed to end... Alone and doing all that work by myself... People offering to help with their endless words, but no follow through with actions... I'm so glad it's all behind me... I hope this new job is totally different and that I can feel that motivation and excitement I once did.

Pumpkin Time!

2011-10-24T04:16:00Z

So a few kids and parents came over so we could decorate pumpkins. Ok, so realistically the moms had to do all the work because the kids lost interest quickly... Anyway, it was a good time and chaos at the same time. Our place was just way too small for everyone. We need to move and get a bigger place!!!

I think Oni had a great time so that's all that matters. He was feeling a little under the weather, but still wanted to hang out with the kids and run around~

End of the road...

2011-10-20T20:40:00Z

So I am officially closing a chapter in my life and starting a new novel... This month has been full of surprises, excitement and relief. I finally pulled the trigger and gave my notice earlier this month. It was long overdue and after I did it, I physically felt the pressure on my heart release. I don't know how I've lived like this for over a year, but at least it's almost over now... Everything has worked out perfectly. I was offered two positions right away so I was in a happy dilemma. One was a CFO position out in SF and another was a DD position here in Boston. I thought long and hard about it and ultimately decided that I'd rather work at a larger, global organization at a lower level instead of at a smaller organization at the top. The CFO title was appealing and I was flattered by their offer. It was at an organization the same size as my current CHC. It was odd how when they did make their offer was when it finally hit me that I do not want to work at a CHC anymore. I want to do something greater and on a larger scale. CHC's are a great resource and a necessity in local communities, but I want to be involved in resources that extend globally... Either way, the pay is more than what I currently have, the benefits are SO much better and the work/life balance is going to be exactly what I'm looking for. I did consider culture alot as well and it seemed from all of the people I met that it was the type of culture and environment that I wanted to be a part of. The best part is that I'd get to travel as well, which is one of the things I miss most lately. All in all I am excited and ready to move forward and leave all the ugliness, frustrations and stress behind. Here's to new beginnings!

Vancouver!

2011-10-07T02:20:36Z

So I got a hall pass from hubs and went to see my bff in Vancouver! It was a much needed and well appreciated break from work. I missed Keoni every minute, but Fred constantly sent me pictures to keep me close.

It was like the old days again. Gemma with her nasty fridge, her lack of knowledge with anything home related (she had never cleaned out her hair dryer so the lint was preventing any drying) and her inability to parallel park. *sigh* But I still love the girl I suppose! We ate, ate and then ate some more... Then headed off to SHOP! And boy did we shop! I didn't realize how much until I came home and unpacked! I spent almost $2K over the weekend! eeek! Oh well! It was well worth it because I had fun and I love everything I bought!

I wish we lived closer together so we could hang out more often... It is amazing though that we are still so close even though she moved away over 10 years ago! We both agree that she is the male version of Fred, which is why we get along so well!

Bahamas~

2011-09-16T03:55:53Z

Bahamas~

2011-09-14T01:03:11Z

So we went on our first family trip to the Bahamas during the latter part of August~ It was intended to be a 4 night, 5 day stay, which turned into a 8 night, 9 day stay due to Hurricane Irene! It was a much needed retreat for myself. The last year back from maternity leave has been brutal. Endless nights and weekends working, trying to catch up, trying to fix other people's mistakes and just trying not to completely drown... All this with hardly any help. Perm and temp staff have come and gone, but none with any consistency that could do the job. Enough work talk!

So our flight to Charlotte was a nightmare. It was our first experience with Keoni on a plane... He was so tired because we had to wake him up at 5am to get to the airport. He downed his milk and then threw it all up on me. My hair was all white as was my shirt. I smelled wretched throughout the entire flight. We finally made it to Charlotte and I bought myself an airport shirt to change and prayed that our next flight would be better.... and it was! Keoni happily played on the iPad and even enjoyed looking out the window...

Once we arrived in the Bahamas it reminded me of Guam back in the 80's. Limited paved roads, the communities that needed repair and the heat! I forgot how hot it was on an island! I was so glad when we finally made it to the Atlantis and into our room with central A/C!!! The first night we just had dinner and went back to our rooms to relax. We put Keoni to bed and luckily he slept just fine in the crib the resort provided us.

The rest of the trip is kind of a blur... It was just filled with sun, swimming, eating, sweating and drinking! It was truly so relaxing and I wish we were still there. Our trip was interrupted for about 48 hrs due to Hurricane Irene so the weather was bad, but it past and then was nice again. The best part was the uninterrupted time with Keoni. I hadn't spent this much time with him since my maternity leave. We totally bonded again and by the end of the trip we were attached at the hip - literally! He totally grew up in front of our eyes in the Bahamas. He ate his first strand of spaghetti, his first hot and spicy shrimp chip and began communicating with us. He started signing a few words to let us know what he wanted and said a few new words as well! It was awesome to see and I was so glad I was there to see it and not at work. Every morning he wanted to go out so Fred and Keoni would go to Starbucks. Keoni would go get his shoes and ask Fred to put them on for him and then walk over to his stroller and push it to the door. It was so cute~

It was kind of saddening to see Keoni grow up so quickly. Fred and I were mentioning how he seems to be changing every single day! I don't want to miss any important moments! He also learned how to sign fish during our trip! He loves fish and had a blast watching all the sea creatures in the tank!!!

I am so grateful he is such a happy baby~

30 Minute Mom

2011-08-21T16:53:09Z

So I have officially become the mom that I never wanted to be... Working full-time and never seeing her child... I see him for 30 minutes a day, at most... Unless I make a special effort to take time off to leave early... It sucks and I hate it every single day. I don't think it's the fact that I'm a working mom, but that I'm a working mom at MY particular organization, in MY particular department with MY stupid hard work ethic. There are plenty of moms at my workplace who do not ever work one extra minute above and beyond their scheduled hours. They don't care if their work isn't done or if someone is waiting for something from them... They just get up and walk out once they hit their 40 hrs or whatever total they need to work for the week... How they do this I do not know. I cannot leave work knowing something isn't done, knowing someone is waiting for something from me and cannot do their job because of me... Yet others seem to do this without blinking an eye. How? I really would like to know because I wish I COULD be like them... Why do I work my ass off only to be held up by others who don't do their job? People whine day in and day out that they are so busy and swamped with work, yet I don't ever see them working at night or on the weekends... I know this is a choice, but if you really cared, you would. I don't enjoy working every night and every weekend, but I do it so things get done. Now the question is, what is the solution?

Oni's Growing Up...

2011-07-28T02:37:16Z

So it seems as though as the days go by my little boy is growing up so fast! It is sad and exciting at the same time. He is now walking around everywhere as if he's the king of the world... He is such a sweet boy and with each additional day I think I love him more, if that's possible. He's constantly sharing kisses and showing me the latest thing he's learned. Freddie has taught him a few words so he knows what it is associated with... i.e. belly, nose, mouth... When we tell him it's yogurt time, he walks over to his highchair and when I tell him it's bedtime and tell him to go get his blankie, he retrieves it and brings it over to me. It's as if he is a little man now and we're slowly beginning to communicate.

One thing we've noticed is his increasing attachment to us. Now that he knows who we truly are, when around strangers, he retreats. He does eventually warm up, but this is an attribute that is new. At mommy group he is stuck to me like glue and doesn't go to explore all the toys or mingle with the other babies. I hope he doesn't become an introvert and learns to be social and active. I'm counting on daycare to expose him to others and learn these skills.

One major milestone Oni has achieved is his aversion to food! He is still a work in progress, but he is slowly beginning to accept different foods. Cheerios is not an issue anymore and he actually even accepted a veggie chip today! My next goal will be to introduce pasta to him. It would be so awesome if he ate rice too... My fingers are crossed!!!

So the month has just flown by. Work continues to be busy and stressful. The audits are coming up so it's just going to get worse. Somehow I have managed almost a year back from leave short-staffed in one piece. It's amazing how quickly the time has flown by...

Freddie and I continue to manage our hectic lives between work and family. He still surprises me and I am so grateful for his help and support in everything I do and being so involved with Keoni. Last week he surprised me with a new Macbook Air! I totally didn't expect it and it made my long stressful day at work seem like a thing of the past... I am so glad we've continued to build on our relationship and always seem to make everything work somehow. Hopefully the near future provides some relief in some areas of my life and brings on exciting new challenges!

Oni's First Few Steps!

2011-07-12T02:12:09Z

So Oni finally took his first real steps today! He's been doing 2-3 steps here and there, but nothing significant. Today he walked over to me to the mat from the couch! His face was beaming and it made me so happy to see him like that~ It was funny because Freddie had just mentioned that he thought Oni had grown so much the past week. Not physically grown, but just in terms of development. I agree. It's as if he's growing into his own little man full of personality and curiosity! Here is a shot of him standing tall and proud! It must be those new PJ's!  It's as if he realized it was time to be a big boy!

Oni's Fugly Hair~

2011-07-02T01:43:00Z

So I can't believe it's already been almost a month since I've posted! Life has been quite busy and tiring this past month. It is already July 1st and half the year is gone... Keoni has changed so much in June that it's been exciting to watch. He now knows how to blow kisses, touch his belly, touch his head and is almost walking now. We've been busy every weekend with bbq's and other gatherings so it seems like there is no break ever! Work has been damn busy the past two weeks because we needed to get our upcoming FY budget completed. I don't know if it's because I'm getting old, but working until midnight or past midnight is really draining now. It used to be tiring, but now I feel completely drained mentally and physically the next day. It's ironic that since I've requested more of a flex schedule so I can spend more time with Oni, work has been more busier than ever and I've spent less time with Oni... It's as if life is playing a cruel joke! Hopefully things will let up, but I'm not holding my breath since there is so much work waiting that I've been pushing off while working on the budget. OK, enough about work.

So on Wednesday I was not feeling well at all when I woke up. I forced myself out of bed, showered and brought Oni to daycare and drove to work. Once I got to work I knew I couldn't stay. My head was spinning and I was so nauseous! =( I just got up and walked out. The rest of the day was pretty miserable, but by late afternoon I was feeling better so I went to pick up Oni. I walked into daycare and then yelled "OMG!" before I knew it. Something was off with Oni. Then I realized it was his hair - it was all messed up! I quickly concluded that hubs must have cut Oni's hair! It was hideous - crooked, uneven, etc! Just plain FUGLY! I was so pissed! The poor kid didn't even know how horrible he looked and just smiled up at me and was just happy to see me. Needless to say, hubs heard an earful from me that night...

Oni's First Puff

2011-06-09T03:35:00Z

So I came home from work at a reasonable time today! I left at 7pm, picked up take out and sped home... We all sat down at the dining room table and "ate" together for the first time in I don't know how long! While I was setting the table, I put Oni in his high chair and poured out some puffs on his tray. I do this out of habit, but never expecting him to eat any of it. I mean who am I kidding? This kid has never put any food in his mouth on his own! I turned around and saw his mouth moving. I thought, wait, did he eat one? No way... He must just be moving his mouth and smacking his lips for fun... Then I sat down to eat and then in the corner of my eye, I see him pick up a puff and try to put it into his mouth! I froze and didn't even want to praise him or let him know I was watching for fear of startling him or somehow deterring him for continuing! My eyes had not deceived me... He proceeded to pick up another puff and put it into his mouth. He spit out most of it, but just the fact that he picked it up and put it into his mouth almost brought tears to my eyes!!! Then I tried to put rice into his mouth, but he closed his mouth before I could get it in. Then the gate was officially closed. He didn't want anything else even near his mouth! Nonetheless, just those few that went in made me SO HAPPY! I know it's so many months late in this activity/skill, but at least he's doing it now. No one can understand the relief I felt. I hope it continues and develops as the weeks go on... He even picked up one and put it in Fred's mouth and then picked up another and put it into my mouth! You would have thought he won the noble peace prize with the sounds of my praise! hahaha~ Who the heck ever thought I'd be like this... *sigh* But it definitely is a huge milestone for us. We have an appointment at the Feeding and Swallowing Program at Children's Hospital next week so I hope there's more improvement by then and that they can give me some guidance on further developing this skill with him!

54 Weeks

2011-06-02T18:43:00Z

Ok, so now that Keoni is over a year old, I am going to quit these weekly blogs and just write when something interesting happens or I just want to think out loud... I can't believe I've maintained this weekly blog through all the sleepness nights, long work hours and all the other things that just pop up on a daily basis!

So I've been trying a new sleep method as of last week. I have always held Oni to sleep and then put him in his crib. I am now putting him in his crib still awake. I want him to learn how to fall asleep on his own! I know it's going to be tough initially, but hopefully rewarding in the end! Each day is different. Last night he was particularly fussy and he screamed and yelled when I left the room. He eventually did fall asleep and STTN. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it'd be. And we've completely stopped swaddling Oni now. I know it sounds insane that we were swaddling him until he was one! He still loves his A&A blankies, so I still wrap it around him for comfort and he grabs onto it for dear life...

Putting Oni to bed is the happiest part of my day. Some parents dread bedtime, but I look forward to it. After a long grueling day at work, I come home and I may only have 15 minutes with him until he starts getting teary, cranky and clingy. I know the classic signs of him indicating that it's "sleepy sleepy time" as I put it. He crawls over to me and climbs on top of me and rubs his face into my chest and belly, smearing all his drool and snot over my shirt... And I love it. I don't think it's disgusting or unsanitary... I just look at him, smile and laugh. Then I grab his blankie and bottle and we head upstairs to his room... He knows the routine and stops whining as I walk up the stairs. Once in his room I get settled on the bed in there so I'm comfy enough to hold him while he drinks his bottle. He snatches the bottle out of my hand and begins guzzling it as his eyes immediately begin to flutter... About halfway through the bottle his eyes close and then I give him a kiss on his forehead. I wait for him to finish the bottle as I run my fingers through his hair and then put him in his crib. He opens his eyes instantly to make sure I am still there. I pat his back and shush him for about five minutes. If he is not asleep by then I leave the room. Once he knows I've left, he usually cries and screams for a while. The duration has lessened, which is a relief. It truly is hard to hear your baby scream for you. However I believe as the night progress, he is getting much better at putting himself to sleep. In the middle of the night he wakes up and cries, but falls back asleep on his own without me having to go pick him up. I just lie there and listen and then go back to bed once I hear him stop crying. Some nights I do feel the urge to grab him and just put him next to me for my own selfish reasons, but I know that's not fair to him. Only allowing him to sleep with him when I want him to... So he has yet to sleep in our bed through the night to this day. How I've managed this I don't know, but I have. I guess having Fred tell me no has contributed.

Then in the mornings Fred brings Oni over to my side of the bed and I awake to my baby standing there, smiling at me... It is the greatest feeling in the world. No matter how tired I am, I get up and just want to hold him and never let go. I miss him all day long when I am at work and wonder if I'm doing the right thing working full-time and sacrificing all of the moments that I'll never get back with him... I am not particularly happy at my job currently, so it's a constant struggle to decide on what I really want. I proposed a new schedule to my boss this week so we'll see what happens. I work so much from home already, so it'd be nice if I could actually have those hours count! I would love to come home from work at a decent hour and spend time with Oni before he goes to bed. I want to be there to help him take a bath, eat his dinner and chase Garu around the living room... I truly feel like a weekend mom... Nevermind the fact that I have completely stopped being a wife for the most part. I've only been able to maintain my mom title and my work title - that's it. It's sad really. Hopefully if I get to work this new schedule, Fred and I will actually have conversations on weekdays and eat dinner together occasionally. What a thought!!!

I must say that Fred has continued to be my rock. He says the right things, does the right things and I feel that I truly married the right guy for me. He takes care of Oni without me asking, he brings me a drink when he knows I need one and even starts dinner sometimes knowing that I had a long day and will be coming home tired and hungry! The other night I rushed home from a long, stressful day at work only to be greeted to an already sleepy baby. I got to spend no time with him and brought up upstairs to feed him and put him to bed. When I came downstairs, Fred had made me my favorite drink and left it by the sink knowing I'd see it when I put Oni's bottle in the sink. I know I don't say it enough to him, but I truly appreciate him. Ok, I should stop here before this entry turns into a novel!

I do want to add that this past weekend we had a blast! We went to two BBQ's and Oni was pretty good! We did decide that we need to take him out to restaurants more! He has about a 30 minute limit with sitting in the highchair so we need to lengthen that! We're going to try to go out to eat at least once a weekend to work on this...

53 Weeks

2011-05-27T03:09:00Z

So this was the week! The week of Keoni's dol! My parents flew in for the celebration and Oni got to meet his gramps for the first time... It took a little for him to warm up to his grandparents, but by day two, they were all pals! Dad seemed to enjoy being around a baby and of course mom was all over him and couldn't get enough of him!

I took Thursday and Friday off since my parents were here and also to do some last minute shopping and preparations for Keoni's party. I didn't end up having time to do everything, but I did most of it, so I was content. Saturday was a crazy day. From the moment I woke up until the moment I lay back into bed, it was a whirlwind. All in all the day went smoothly and I think all the guests had a good time. Oni didn't take his usual one hour nap so he was a bit cranky. He eventually went to sleep and then I finally really got to relax and have a drink. I have yet to get the pictures back from the photographer, but I can't wait to see them! Oni looked so cute in his suit and hanbok! Here is a sneak peak of the day with pics some of our friends took! BTW - Oni went for the basketball for the doljabi! I can't believe my baby is now a toddler!!!